The “pro-life” church is massively uninvolved in activities that have any chance at all to end abortion.  When we approach church leaders about doing much of anything, they reel in horror, hands over both hears, as if trying to keep their heads from exploding.  They exclaim, “Why are you bothering us?  We’re already pro-life.  We checked that box years ago.  Leave us alone!”

In reality, they don’t do much because they fear controversy within the church.  They say just enough to satisfy the pro-lifers in the pews—“We are a pro-life church”—but little else.  They know if they actually organize pro-life activities or even show members a brief video of what abortion is and does, they will hear complaints from people who don’t want to be reminded.  Members might leave the church.  Donations might go down.  The building program might be jeopardized.

Controversy is bad for business if your business is to appeal to the widest possible audience.  Which brings us to our “Quote of the Week”, by Gregg Cunningham of the Center for Bio-Ethical Reform:

Alas, if only killing babies were as controversial as saving them.

The USGS has determined that the epicenter of yesterday’s earthquake was in a cemetery just outside of Washington, DC.  The cause appears to be all of our founding fathers rolling over in their graves.

I’m indebted to my good friend Chris Lefebvre, along with the worldwide interwebs, for giving me some things to think about.

• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• Evening news is where they begin with “Good Evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
• I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, “In case of emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.”
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
• A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not so sure.
• You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
• I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

It is time for the new game, “Who Said It?”  I will give you a quote and you have to guess what great American said it.

A.  “Let me be absolutely clear.  Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s.”

1. Barack Obama
2. Dan Quayle
3. Sarah Palin
4. George W. Bush

B.  “I’ve now been in 57 states, I think one left to go.”

1. Barack Obama
2. Dan Quayle
3. Sarah Palin
4. George W. Bush

C.  “On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes, and I see many of them in the audience here today.”

1. Barack Obama
2. Dan Quayle
3. Sarah Palin
4. George W. Bush

D.  “What they’ll say is, ‘Well it costs too much money,’ but you know what? It would cost, about. It it it would cost about the same as what we would spend. It. Over the course of 10 years it would cost what it would costs us. (nervous laugh) All right. Okay. We’re going to. It. It would cost us about the same as it would cost for about hold on one second. I can’t hear myself. But I’m glad you’re fired up, though.. I’m glad.”

1. Barack Obama
2. Dan Quayle
3. Sarah Palin
4. George W. Bush

E.  “The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system.”

1. Barack Obama
2. Dan Quayle
3. Sarah Palin
4. George W. Bush

F.  “I bowled a 129. It’s like – it was like the Special Olympics, or something.”

1. Barack Obama
2. Dan Quayle
3. Sarah Palin
4. George W. Bush

G.  “Of the many responsibilities granted to a president by our Constitution, few are more serious or more consequential than selecting a Supreme Court Justice. The members of our highest court are granted life tenure, often serving long after the presidents who appointed them. And they are charged with the vital task of applying principles put to paper more than 20 centuries ago (2000 Years?) to some of the most difficult questions of our time.”

1. Barack Obama
2. Dan Quayle
3. Sarah Palin
4. George W. Bush

H.  “Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment, and a, a breathalyzer, or inhalator, not a breathalyzer. I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours.”

1. Barack Obama
2. Dan Quayle
3. Sarah Palin
4. George W. Bush

I.  “It was interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There’s a lot of, I don’t know what the term is in Austrian, wheeling and dealing.” (In case you don’t get it, there is no Austrian language.)

1. Barack Obama
2. Dan Quayle
3. Sarah Palin
4. George W. Bush

J.  “I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”

1. Barack Obama
2. Dan Quayle
3. Sarah Palin
4. George W. Bush

The answers to Questions A – J are all the same.  Barack Obama.  How did you do?

But remember, according to the media, George W. Bush et al. are supposed to be the village idiots, while Barack Obama is the “brilliant genius.”

Here’s an interesting quote.  FAB agrees with all of it except the last sentence.  Contrary to this person’s lament, we actually deserve the politicians we get.

“The fact that we are here today to debate raising America’s debt limit is a sign of leadership failure.  It is a sign that the US Government can not pay its own bills.  It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government’s reckless fiscal policies. … Increasing America’s debt weakens us domestically and internationally.  Leadership means that ‘the buck stops here.’  Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren.  America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership.  Americans deserve better.”

— Senator Barack H. Obama, March 20, 2006

Can you tell the difference between a conservative, a liberal, and a progressive?

When a conservative wants to buy your vote, he puts his hand in his own pocket and pulls out some cash.  Maybe a pint of whiskey.

A liberal sticks his hand in your pocket, looks you right in the eye, and promises to fight for “your fair share.”

A progressive

1. insults you,
2. grabs your money from the liberal,
3. borrows even more from the Chinese,
4. hands the bill to your children, and then
5. sneers at you as he walks away.

Be honest and don’t look at the movie list below, until you have done the arithmetic.

This amazing 5-step procedure can accurately tell us your favorite movie (out of a list of 18).  You doubt?  Check it out!

1. Pick a number from 1 to 9.
2. Multiply by 3.
3. Add 3.
4. Multiply by 3 again.
5. Now add the two digits of your answer together.  That’s your result.

Now take the result and look it up on the list below:

1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama farewell speech of 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story

Did we nail it or what?

FAB … We’re right or your money back!

(P.S. Next time we meet, bet you 5 bucks I can tell you where you got your shoes.)

Why do we live about 80 years but most animals don’t?  Sit back and I’ll tell you the story…

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.  For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking.  How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

So God agreed……

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.  For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years?  That’s a pretty long time to perform.  How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God agreed……

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family.  For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.  How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again……

God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life.  For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years?  Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God. “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.

For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.

For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

In the 1700s, poet Robert Burns wrote his famous Ode to a Louse.  He concluded:

O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us,
To see oursels as others see us!

In the modern era, our obsessions are different.  As I was working on our website (to fund Pro Life on Campus this Fall), it occurred to me:

O for the Pow’r that money gives us,
We pray to God that Google sees us!

It has come to our attention that the world is set to end on May 21, only 2 days from now.   This is based on a complex set of calulations that we will review on May 22 right here at FAB!

Read the San Francisco Appeal report here.  Until the big day arrives, you can keep up with the countdown here.

Apparently, there’s big money in predicting the end of the world.  KGO-TV reports that Family Radio has spent million$ on their campaign.  Does that mean they’ve raised millions as well?  If their prediction doesn’t pan out, will they give refunds?

Hey, whatever works.  If FAB predicts the world will end on August 15, you reckon we could raise million$ for our Fall GAP tour?  Let’s get started!

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” – Jim Elliot

“Today Christians spend more money on dog food than missions.” – Leonard Ravenhill

“It will not do to say that you have no special call to go to China. With these facts before you and with the command of the Lord Jesus to go and preach the gospel to every creature, you need rather to ascertain whether you have a special call to stay at home.” – J. Hudson Taylor

“We talk of the second coming, half the world has never heard of the first.” – Oswald J. Smith

“And thus I aspire to preach the gospel, not where Christ was already named so that I would not build on another man’s foundation.” – Apostle Paul

“Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn’t.” – John Piper

“Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell, I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of Hell.” – C.T. Studd

“No one has the right to hear the gospel twice, while there remains someone who has not heard it once.” – Oswald J. Smith

When James Calvert went out as a missionary to the cannibals of the Fiji Islands, the ship captain tried to turn him back. “You will lose your life and the lives of those with you if you go among such savages,” he cried. To that, Calvert replied, “We died before we came here.”

“Someone asked ‘Will the heathen who have never heard the Gospel be saved?’ It is more a question with me whether we — who have the Gospel and fail to give it to those who have not — can be saved.” – Charles Spurgeon

“We can reach our world, if we will. The greatest lack today is not people or funds. The greatest need is prayer.” – Wesley Duewel, head of OMS International

“‘Not called!’ did you say? ‘Not heard the call,’ I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin.” – William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army

“The word ‘gospel’ means ‘good news’.” John Willis Zumwalt writes, “The essense of news is that it is new. They have never heard it before. Our neighbors have heard it over and over again.”

“I have but one candle of a life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light” – John Keith Falconer

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates

THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda
Illustrated by Michael Moore

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton

Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton

AMELIA EARHART’S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

TO ALL THE MEN WE’VE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O’Donnell

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson

HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
by Ted Kennedy

MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton

and, just added
MY COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE OF MILITARY STRATEGY
by Nancy Pelosi

Hans Rosling’s fascinating look at the improvement of incomes and life expectancies over the past 200 years in 200 countries worldwide.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbkSRLYSojo

As I watch this … for the 10th time … I can’t help but wonder what the prophet Handel might think if he could see it.  How could he imagine this scene, half a world and 269 years away, as he worked day and night in the summer of 1741 to set God’s Word to music?

Who knows what God will do with the work He has given each of us to complete?

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE

As you may know, the prophet Handel is generally credited with writing Messiah, the Musical, but he actually plagiarized most of the lyrics.  For example, he copied some of its most memorable lines from another prophet, a guy named Isaiah, who lived in the 700’s BC.  For example, Isaiah wrote these lines:

Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a Son, and shall call his name Immanuel.  (Isa. 7:14)

For unto Us a Child is born, unto Us a Son is given: and the government shall be upon His shoulder: and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.  (Isa. 9:6)

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.  Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.  But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.  All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.  (Isa. 53:3-6)

Anybody can write about a person who has already lived and events that have already happened.  The eternal beauty of Handel’s Messiah is that so much of it was written hundreds of years before Jesus was born.  Only God can do that.  Check this out.

Back by popular demand, this is too funny!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ooc5eJc5SHA

Click here to download another version.