If you live within a 3-hour drive of Pigeon Forge, this one song is well worth the trip and the ticket to Dollywood.  Haven’t seen it yet this year, but hopefully soon.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqGyvwqI8K4

Other recordings differ in audio and video quality, but each one is magnificent:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5icadzuoLyo

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POjhuQDC5-M

.

Check this out:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZBTyTWOZCM

This is too funny.

BTW, UT fans may note that Hitler’s respons to the GOP takeover was uncannily similar to his reaction when Lane Kiffin bolted for USC, but I don’t want to get into that.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlnd4zW1NCU

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHh6u4vunfM

A few years back, an Auburn fan who goes by the Rivals username “DeepBlue” posted this controversial dissertation about LSU fans. It has become SEC legend ever since. I love all my LSU friends, but this story just cracks me up. If you are prone to be offended, either (a) don’t read it at all or (b) blame Auburn, because that’s where it came from.

So, without further ado, I give you the story of LSU fans and their facination with battered meat on a stick:

LSU Fans Smell Like Corndogs

LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.

Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.

LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.

I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better said at Internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.

I am afraid that they’ll know I said it. I’ll walk past an LSU fan someday, and he’ll see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, “Gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?” The next thing you know, I’ll have flat tires on my car.

If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU fans how they smell, you know, like corn dogs.

LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.

I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, “Wow, LSU sure does have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game.”

It’s hard. I know. It’s like when you’re having sex and you try to think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming. It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: “Gee, I wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like a corn dog?”; or “Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying to make me think it is a real person?” or “What did that giant corn dog just say?” or “Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly like corn dogs smell?” or, of course, after a silencer: “Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?”

Heck, after what I’ve heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That’s okay.

You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But don’t be obvious about it. Somehow they know you’re trying not to breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They’ll likely punch you for that if they catch on to what you’re doing.

If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it’ll permeate your whole body, and then you’ll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But don’t say, “Dang, now I smell like a corn dog.” They take offense to that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff. Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just don’t say it. If you do start smelling like a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?

I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in their expression – indicating they smell corn dogs – might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that’s dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you drive around on some other weekend.

I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog stuff. What puzzles me most is that I’ve never actually seen any of these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there’s no mystery there – maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows? Maybe there’s a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there. Maybe, there’s a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply – kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird. The big political issue during the city election is whether they should add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don’t comment on it though. It’s not politically correct over there. It’s like a malnutrition issue or something. It’s like the corn dogs are probably added to the water to prevent starvation or something.

I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you’re thinking: “Ahhhh. Here I am in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I’ll bet the people here smell just like boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufe’ or some fancy Cajun food.” But just stop thinking that. That’s just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.

In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn dog odor. And don’t try masking the odor with something stronger. They’ll curse at you. They’ll say something like: “!#@%$&!, how dare you smoke a cigar in my home,” or “!#@%$&!!! Are you too good for the smell of corn dogs?” And they’ll cuss out your kids too: “!#@%$&!!!! Little Mister Fancy Pants over here acts like he doesn’t want to smell like corn dogs.”

Cajuns are not like us. Don’t you see that, yet? They are really sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know, I know. We sniff the Bammers and the UGA dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don’t press your luck with the Cajun Tiger fans. Don’t refer to Death Valley as Corn Dog Valley either. I mean that’s just wrong. Even if you’ve been drinking, they’ll beat you up and curse out your kids.

Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction – even if you’re laughing about something else. Like baseball or football, or sex, or whatever. If you can’t control yourself and you must laugh though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their corn dog body odor from a distance or that you’re choking on it or something. They’ll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort.

So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams. You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.

Enough with this corn dog talk. Let’s play ball…

What happened when Hitler found out about CBR’s presence at the March for Life?  Watch and see!

This video was put together by one of our European allies.  Any similarity of the people or events depicted in this video with any real person or historical events, past or present, is purely comical.

To see the video click here.  If that doesn’t work, click here.

BTW, UT fans may note that Hitler’s response to CBR was uncannily similar to his reaction when Lane Kiffin bolted for USC, but I don’t want to get into that.

Speaking before the House Judiciary Committee of the 104th Tennessee General Assembly, State Representative Frank Niceley (R-Strawberry Plains) defines eco-terrorism, PETA, and left-wing eco-greenie wackos (which are sort of like fire-ants).

Note: the cartoon explosions and animal sound effects have been added after-the-fact.  Pigs and cows won’t come into the State Captial building when politicians are present.  I think they can’t stand the smell.

I just love Tennessee.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbYhbVvPZKc

My good friend Stacey Campfield wondered why conservatives are called the “right” and liberals are called the “left.”  He found the answer in the Bible, of course:

“The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.”  (Ecclesiastes 10:2)

It’s so dry in Tennessee, …

• the Baptists are baptizing by sprinkling,
• the Methodists are using wet-wipes,
• the Presbyterians are giving rain checks, and
• the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!

It’s so hot in Tennessee, …

• birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
• the trees are whistling for the dogs.
• hot water comes from both taps.
• lizards jump into the fire to get under the shade of the skillet.
• the temperature drops below 95 F and you feel a little chilly.
• you break into a sweat when you step outside at 7:30 am.
• you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.
• cows are giving evaporated milk.
• farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice so they won’t lay boiled eggs.

(Thanks to State Rep. Stacey Campfield and KNS/Charlie Daniel.)

I do not like this Uncle Sam,
I do not like his health care scam.

I do not like these dirty crooks,
or how they lie and cook the books.

I do not like when Congress steals,
I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like this speaker, Nan,
I do not like this ‘YES WE CAN.’

I do not like this spending spree,
I’m smart, I know that nothing’s free.

I do not like your smug replies,
when I complain about your lies.

I do not like this kind of hope.
I do not like it, nope, nope, nope!

What do you think?  Please comment!

I think this is a hoot!  What do you think?  Leave comments below!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2KlpT3AIKA

“The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult to verify their authenticity.”

—-President Abraham Lincoln